Rising From The Ashes

Coming out of this coma-like state of mind. I am awakening for it feels as for the first time. I am awake. My eyes are pwn and I am seeing for the first time. Things are different now somehow. I am still me I guess, but just not so down in the fog of my delusions. I see more clearly now. Things seem better somehow. I am in a good place right now. Getting my shit together. Trying to help my husband get his shit together. If he keeps choosing failure... I will have to leave him. Which is not what I want to do at this moment in time. I feel free! I choose my battles more wisely. I have gotten off of some of my medications. I am going to get off another one by the end of this month. Yay! I can smile and laugh freely now. My psychologist says I'm "hypo-manic" hehe.  I should keep going and never look back, but that's hard not to do. I look back and I "feel" healthier. Mentally and physically! I am pumped up about all the possibilities 2013 can offer me. That very thought excites me! I am enjoying life now. Even though all I do is go from one doctor's office to another one or some type of therapy place. But, hey...gotta do the work to enjoy your pleasures! Remember "LIFE" is only what "YOU" make of it. Find what works for "YOU" and only "YOU". Follow your path no matter how twisted the road may get. You will find your happiness. Your sunshine!

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless nights, dreams aflight.

Tinkering in my mind, can't see the light.

Dark scary demons to fight.

He is one of a kind.

Draconic and wise.

He does hate and despise.

He visits you in  your dreams.

He whispers to you lies.

His anger flows in tides.

He is more scary than he appears.

He feeds off your fears.

He licks away your tears.

This is his moment to shine.

Time to switch gears.

Torturing until the morning nears.

Thats how he unwinds.

Until the next sunset.

He thinks about regret.

He answers that he has none.

He swoops in like a jet.

Anticipating, his roll is set.

This is just only starting to get fun.

1-19-2012

I'm Dying Inside

A pile of old dry leaves.

Light of a match,

and catch a cool breeze.

Watch them go up.

As bright as lit christmas trees.

Smoldering flames all around.

Burning it all down to the ground.

When all is said and done.

Your left with a pile of ash.

Now wasn't that fun?

12-18-2011

Happiness

World of happiness,

can't see my world of grief.

Pain, suffering from day to day.

But its ok if you like your life. OK!

You want me out of your world?

My world is played out in my head

and on my paper.

Deciphering incrypted knowledge

That only I posess.

Possession in 9tenths of the law

Even under arrest.

Yes my world is distorted.

Contorted, controlled by me.

You wouln't survive my reality,

my world.

Cause I'd kill you.

Swiftly with a sword or

a bullet to your brain pan.

Happiness is a false sense of a way of being.

It is not my reality.

It is not my future.

And it has never been my past.

What! Jingle Bells? Go to Hell!!

Die another day they say.

Music played every day in my head.

Private concert.

Invitation one.

I wish I can stop this madness.

Shoot me in the head.

Stab me in my broken heart.

Just let the pain be gone.

Happiness is not reachable anymore.

It does not exist.

12-12-2011

The World and Me

The world is spinning out of control.

Oh wait that's my mind too.

Talking to fragmented minds from the past.

How possibly do I unwind.

Popping pills left and right.

There is no limit set insight.

Reaching for the stars,

that I know I'll never touch.

Too much reality, THAT'S ENOUGH!

People doing things day to day.

Not caring, not noticing that

I'm dying up in here.

But that's just the world and me.

Surviving unsympathetically..

12-12-2011