Calm After The Storm

It's always calm after the storm. Going on about the day as if nothing happened. Even if he plays as if it were a bad dream; I remember everything. Cats play rough and nails I did clip. Mine of course... snip, snip, snip. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't wounded. I merely taunted my flesh with old vices; wanting to feel more. Something, anything besides this. My life isn't all that painful I suppose. Just stuck in a pose silently screaming for a way. Maybe not out, but still just a way... to cope. Used to cope with dope and things. Anything that would take me from reality. Now, stuck in the here and now. No way out. Thinking about going back. Taking meds. Using that crutch. Only to get the one med I want. Something that might help with the pain. Low grade and puny, but I could use it to the best of what it has to offer. Valium is like candy to me. Used to be that is. Used to trade/sell it to get more happening things. Things that would allow me to dream. Free myself from this world and explore the me that is hidden. I want to write down everything. To never forget. I'll go back one day to the end of it all. Telling us both how I became to be. Stories of truth of how I saw it all. Places I'm sure most of you haven't been. One place in particular... I miss it in a way. Even though I was confined and restricted. I felt as one. I knew who I was in a way. Even though I was and am still miles away. Must be patient now, I'll get to that some other day.