In the dark, sitting in silence
Wishing this pain was gone
Wishing my mind would forget the violence
Memories of the past won’t fade
Though my life today, I wouldn’t trade
Putting on a smile to mask this pain
Feeling these feelings, feels really insane
Constantly hurting 24/7, 365 days a year
This pain won’t go away,
It could actually get worse. That’s what I fear
Not just physically, but emotionally too
I hurt all over, Inside and out
I don’t know what to do
I smile, I laugh, I do fun things
I want to see what this life brings
Though, I’m filled with so much anxiety
I can’t breathe
I just wished these negative feelings,
Would just leave
Most every night, the nightmares flood my mind.
The terror inside them, the monster, He is one of a kind
Living my life one prayer at a time
Praying he doesn’t haunt me in my mind
Don’t say the things, Don’t say the things
Delete this soundtrack, the horror it brings
These things keep on repeating in my head
I can’t control these emotions when I lazy in bed
The monster within, likes when I sin
I can’t lose control and let him win
This Demon inside me, Gotta keep him locked in
Leave him in the dungeons vault, locked.
Don’t hide the key, throw it away, locked
Control these emotions, control this rage
Focus, don’t lose control, or he’ll be released from his cage
Missing keys, broken locks
Uncontrolled emotions
I feel the urge to cry
Not buckets, but oceans
Can’t cry, won’t lie, feels so wrong
Leave me alone,
No, I don’t want to talk on my phone
Tricks he plays, that Demon inside
Trigger alert! Triggers that hurt
Can’t stop playing this horrible soundtrack
In my mind, playing all the time
On repeat, can’t delete, help me!
Asking for help, but how can you help,
This twisted, tormented mind?
Feelings seep out, from my mind
Again there is this Demon, This Demon of mine
Nightly he hunts me, in my sleep
Nightly hours is his time to creep
Hunted, pinned down, can’t move
Can’t wake up, He likes to paralyze
He whispers to me his truths. Just lies!
He won’t stop tormenting me
Until one of us dies
Running in place, can’t seem to move
I can’t win at this game,
He wants me to lose
Can’t breathe, I need to inhale
Can’t breathe this air. Why is it stale?
Why is this game set up for me to fail?
I’ve been trying to escape, yet to no avail
I’m tired of being hunted by this Demon
Tired of trying to survive this hell
Sometimes I think I’m making progress,
But it’s too hard to tell
I have to survive, I need to win, I have to prevail
I can’t do all this work for nothing. I can’t fail
I wish I can put all this behind me and just set sail.
Somethings got to change
Somethings has got to give
I’ve got to find a better way to freaking live.
3 comments:
Crying. Trying not to sob, honestly. It’s as if you’re writing what’s happening in my brain! I am so sorry you suffer with this as well. Sending you love, and light, and safety, and gentle hugs.
I tried to comment on here earlier. This had me sobbing when I read it earlier today. It’s as though you’ve been rooting around in my brain… I feel what you’re saying, very fully. You are courageous!!
I have to moderate all the incoming comments. Thank you for taking the time to read my writing. I apologize for you going through this as well. Praying that you can find relief. If you read the older comments, I have grown. I am becoming anew. I don't do so much of what was written years ago. Enjoy your evening my sweet friend.
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