Downward Spiral

I have been on a downward spiral 

for quite some time now. 

Stuck.

Don't know how to climb back up this time.

Trapped.

Suffocating.

Deserted.

Abandoned.

Alone.

Lonely.

Dying.

Everyday Is Exactly The Same

I wake up each day and it's all the same. 

Only a few days goes by that are different from the rest.

I wake up too early, but thats ok. 

I get stuff done early in the morn when it's not so hot.

I rarely ever go out past noon.

Way too hot in this desert heat.

I have to go out today when it will be 117°!

It's going to be 120° tomorrow!

I hate the summers here. 

I want to move north somewhere.

Maybe near Seattle, Washington.

I love the rain & green trees. Plus I love the cooler temps.

I'm stuck in my dream world. 

Playing the same old familiar game.

It consumes me.

It is my reality.

I am lost in it.

Rising From The Ashes

Coming out of this coma-like state of mind. I am awakening for it feels as for the first time. I am awake. My eyes are pwn and I am seeing for the first time. Things are different now somehow. I am still me I guess, but just not so down in the fog of my delusions. I see more clearly now. Things seem better somehow. I am in a good place right now. Getting my shit together. Trying to help my husband get his shit together. If he keeps choosing failure... I will have to leave him. Which is not what I want to do at this moment in time. I feel free! I choose my battles more wisely. I have gotten off of some of my medications. I am going to get off another one by the end of this month. Yay! I can smile and laugh freely now. My psychologist says I'm "hypo-manic" hehe.  I should keep going and never look back, but that's hard not to do. I look back and I "feel" healthier. Mentally and physically! I am pumped up about all the possibilities 2013 can offer me. That very thought excites me! I am enjoying life now. Even though all I do is go from one doctor's office to another one or some type of therapy place. But, hey...gotta do the work to enjoy your pleasures! Remember "LIFE" is only what "YOU" make of it. Find what works for "YOU" and only "YOU". Follow your path no matter how twisted the road may get. You will find your happiness. Your sunshine!