Hurt
This song kinda describes my life. Right up to the very end. I used to hurt myself. Cut myself. Abuse myself. To focus on a greater pain would be the destruction of myself. So I focused on the only pain that I could control. Is everything about control? No needles for me. Knives and different kinds of cutlery. I tried to forget. But I remember everything. Not completely true. I only remember most of the bad parts. The parts I tried to kill. Want to remember the good times. Tried to with a pill. Didn't work. Never works. I've let myself down. I still hurt. I wear my crown of hurt on my liars chair full of rage and broken thoughts. Evil thoughts. Thoughts of betrayal. Thoughts I've tried to repair. What have did I become? My sweetest friend isn't a friend. I have no friends. Lies. I have friends.. but are they friends; when I treat them like strangers? Everyone goes away in the end. That is so true. I have no one.. Or did I ever have anyone. Anyone that I could trust. Many lies build the road to where I am. Where I live. If this is living let me die. Tried that. Let myself down again. Repeating path of destruction. Rage. Courage to survive. I hide myself. Under a invisible vale of lies. Everyone thinks I tell the truth; truth wouldn't let me survive. I keep telling lies; to survive... to work through the pain. Never tell. Can never say. What lies at the bottom of this filth. "I'm so sweet" I'm so nice" Everyone wants me to be there daughter. Never was.. never had.. Mother gave me away. What is that? I still talk to her.. but that is just because there is no one else. She has a mind of a child. Never could raise me. So they say. Talking to her; is like talking to a puddle. My breath rippling of the surface. Never sinking through. What she says; when I listen... Isn't really what I hear. Tones and vibrations, bouncing of my ear. I even moved away. From everything I know. Moved to somewhere different. Somewhere closer to hell. No snow. Barely any rain. Nothing to drown my sorrows in. Stop the drugs. Only drink wine now. That's when I get the chance to buy some. What have I become? Where did I go wrong? Do I love him? Or was I just hiding from the storm? Why am I so different? Or does it just seem that way? Will my scars fade? Fade in my mind. I can point out everyone. Physical ones that is. Mental scars are deadly. Hidden far away. I wish that could be true. Then I could live a life. Without my persecution. Without all my lies. I want to be. Someone that is true. Lovely as a picture. Someone purely new. Will that ever happen? Will I be the same? Time can only tell. This is all insane.
